When we have a solid attachment with our romantic partner and we know they are there to support us and care for us, we become stronger.Ī solid relationship for humans is like solid foundations for a house
The Paradox: Dependency Makes Us Stronger The author says evolution shaped our attachment system and protest behavior because staying closer to our loved ones help us -and our children- to stay alive. Protest Behavior Pushes Us Back TogetherĪll our pattern of emotions and behavior we utilize to get in touch again with our mother as children or to our partners are adults are called “protest behavior”. The same happens with adults and their romantic partner. The attachment systems activate in children when their mother goes away and it stays active through crying and sobbing until she re-establishes contact. The attachment systems are a pattern of emotions and behavior that brings us close to our loved ones. Attachment System Keeps Us Wired Together However, that doesn’t mean we become dependent and weaker. Once we get attached codependency kicks in automatically. And that has nothing to do with how much we love ourselves or how fulfilled we are. Many dating advice books are based on the wrong presupposition that we can function equally well on our own.Īmir Levine cites John Bowlby work and says we have a genetically programmed need to be with someone. Make him chase, let her come to you, pretending you don’t need him/her and keep yourself busy so you don’t grow dependent. He is the author of “Attached”, a popular book based on attachment theory. How well you will get along with your partner depends heavily on the attachment styles you both haveĪbout The Author: Amir Levine, MD, is a psychiatrist and neuroscientist researcher at Columbia University.Your happiness and well being will also depend on your partner, research proves it.Attachment Styles in intimate Relationships
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